A Winter’s Twist

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The rapture of evasive love washes over me. I stare at the eternal obsidian sky through my perfectly cleaned window. The angels of the endless void blink at me, their watchful gaze upon me for what feels like centuries, but in reality has only been 45 years. The message I received from afar has opened up my heart’s desires. It stokes the icy, dead embers of my cold heart into life with the power of the sun’s radiant heat.

The lightbox in front of me has lit my forgotten smile. There is no place to hide on this frigid evening, alone in my lonely quiet sanctuary of four plain walls, a bed, and two windows. No one can see my joy as I read the message over and over. Letting it sink into my thoughts, it drapes over my being like a silk blanket, perfectly forming on my framed silhouette.

For the first time in forever, I find happiness in a life of despair. Like the ticking of a monotonous clock, the seconds slip away as, day-by-day, I contemplate whether my purpose in life is to be alone on the planet we call Earth.

Tick…

I constantly check my screen, waiting, with a glimmer of hope, for the follow-up to my message.

Tock…

Refreshing the system with every passing second, I hope the reply is reciprocated. Then the text explodes on my screen, causing an emotional supernova in my soul.

Tick…

Again I gaze out my window at the beautifully lit twilight world. Stars shine bright as I watch people go about their business in the cold of the bitter winter evening. I hear the squeals of laughter as I watch people, arm in arm, connecting their souls in joyous merriment. What does that feel like, I wonder? I can only hope one day it will be me. I’ll be the benefactor of that reassuring feeling of human touch. A receiver of the gift of love. The gift of a connection between two people destined for a life of happiness. People who stick two fingers up to the world as they live their lives to the absolute best they possibly can.

I look at my screen again as a notification flashes calling me to view the words that may release me from my darkest cage. Dare I press the button and open it? I hesitate for fear of a disappointment so deep I can barely fathom it. Do I give myself a few moments to compose my thoughts and steady my nerves?

I make a milky warm chocolate drink. The sugary smell sickens me, but the taste more than makes up for it. I sit down softly, my phone in nervous hands as I ponder the contents of the digital message unopened before me. The contents open up several paths to unknown destinations. A message that, for me, could be written by the goddess of my dreams, her delicate passionate words gracing my screen.

Another message flashes on my screen, but not from my intended. I open it to read words that sink me as my head drops painfully to the hard table in front of me.

“We have restricted your mobile services due to an unpaid bill.”

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