We’re so far into the quarantine you’re probably looking at your significant other (or SO as I like to say because I’m lazy and typing is hard <insert dramatic sigh here>) and wondering how long it would take you to bury them in the garden and if the kids would walk in on you committing a felony.
I get it. You love them. Hell, you may even actually like them, but you probably came into this relationship with the expectation of not having to share the same breathing space 24/7.
At the beginning of the quarantine, you were either rolling your eyes because you already can’t stand to be in the same room with them, or you were excited about being locked up with them because, well, let’s face it, sex for days. Am I right?
By now, however, you’re probably making excuses to spend time away from them. Taking walks by yourself, showering by yourself, napping by yourself, watching your favorite TV shows instead of theirs (or watching a show you were watching together but not inviting them so now they’re behind on the binging. Shame on you).
Almost every relationship has periods of frustration or disinterest. It usually happens when you look at your life and compare it to what you had when you were single. You start missing the alone time and not having someone expect you to be in bed at a certain time. The days of only having to cook for one person and being okay with eating frozen dinners for weeks on end seem very far away. You miss not having to worry about cleaning your bathroom or getting yelled at when you drop your dirty clothes on the floor across the room from the laundry basket.
Another way that it can look is when you watch people who are not a part of your relationship and get jealous because what you can see of theirs seems perfect. If only your SO would only behave like their SO, so many things would be better. Guess what? They don’t have it together either. This is that “grass is always greener” feeling that I’m sure you’ve heard about. While we aren’t responsible for our thoughts (we’re going to think what we think and don’t usually have any control over it) we are responsible for our behaviors so let’s rein it in a little and see what we can do to put some spice in your quarantine life. Here’s what you can do to start your spicy journey.
#1 – Check in with yourself
A daily check-in with yourself is a big part of being present in your life. It allows you the ability to tell when you’re not feeling well, if you’re bored, etc. It’s also a part of being mindful – which is not what I’m going to talk about so stop groaning about clickbait. I will say one thing about the importance of mindfulness in a relationship. When you are mindful of yourself and your situation, you are in a better place emotionally and mentally to deal with things that happen, whether they are good or bad. When you are mindful of yourself, you are also, by extension, experiencing a level of mindfulness with the people who surround you daily.
The importance of being able to check-in with yourself, and get an honest answer, cannot be underplayed. For example, today when your SO looked at you and asked if you were going to wear the same yoga pants you’d been wearing for the last week, instead of lashing out and saying hurtful things about their recent grooming habits, you will have a better understanding of what your SO is really saying. They are bored. They are scared about being able to pay the bills. They are frustrated because they don’t have any alone time. So instead of picking back at them and causing another argument, you can ask them what’s really going on. Or give them an out by asking them to pick up something you desperately need from the store, but can’t go get, and would they mind going alone?
#2 Honestly assess your relationship
This is important. If you’re not in a relationship with someone who shares enough of your interests and desires, then it’s not going to matter what I suggest for you. It will not have the long term achievement you want, which is a healthier relationship. Stress is hard on relationships, even healthy ones, and you have to have a solid foundation and desire to get through it together for it to work. If you’re with someone who is willing to try things to make you happy, whether they’re into the same things that you are, then you’ve scored jackpot gold with them and you’d better be going out of your way to make that work.
#3 Use your words
There’s a meme going around that says, “My grandma told me if you can put his dick in your mouth, you can talk to him about what’s going wrong in your relationship.” As funny as it is, it’s one thousand percent true. You don’t know where his junk has been … or maybe you do and you’d better make him wash it first, but if you can put your mouth on it, you can use your words. Communication is the number one determining factor of the stayability of relationships, and yes, I know I just made that word up. Let me backtrack a bit because it’s true that even the best communicators can have bad relationships. There are other things that go into making it work. I promise if you start using your words, telling your partner how you’re feeling—what you think you need to work on, whether you still want to be in this relationship—and then actually listen without judgment to how they respond, you will be rocking a pretty solid relationship in no time at all.
Now that we’ve gotten all of that out of the way and you’ve sat down with your partner, laid your fears and worries gently at their feet, and had a good discussion about safe words, we can move on! We’ll dive deeper into the things you can do in our next post. Keep coming back….I’m saving the juicy stuff for later.
Wait…what was that about safe words? Shhhh…..just go with it.