The War Within

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He is nothing to us, Brain lied to Heart. We don’t feel that way, Brain lied again. There is nothing happening between us and him. The lies spilled over. Brain was trying to convince Heart we weren’t falling for you. We couldn’t fall for you. We weren’t right for each other. We wouldn’t last. Each lie was piled atop another. We’re too far apart. He doesn’t feel the same. Each excuse was feeble. Heart was already soaring away, ripping down the walls from the last sad encounter. Ripping away the walls Brain had built to protect Heart.

Brain was furiously trying to seal the walls back up around her. Brain didn’t want to see Heart hurt again when she made decisions. But Heart wanted what she wanted, and damned what Brain had to say about it. 

He doesn’t care about you that way.” 

That thought echoed in the mind, because, how could we be sure without letting Heart out to try? 

How could we let Heart be free to chase what she wanted, but still protect her from being utterly crushed, limping back, and being walled up again? 

Why was there no balance? 

Could we love without getting hurt? 

Could we feel happy without feeling sad? 

Could we feel euphoria and not pain? 

Brain said to numb it all, protect ourself, and wear a mask. Smile, but not let anyone in. 

He doesn’t like you back. The thought bounced around inside, making Heart tremble. She slowed her struggle to be free as she felt the sting. She could taste the bittersweet thought Brain sent her, the memories of past hurt. Her hands slowed where they beat on the walls in the natural cadence of protest.

Brain had won for now, but they would fight again soon. 

We went back to being just us. Brain made the decisions and Heart influenced emotions. Then we saw that thing, and Brain thought of you. Heart could feel that thought and got excited. She started to beat more furiously on the walls. I want that! she screamed at Brain. 

“Why?” said Brain, ”he will hurt you.” 

Heart just beat more furiously on her walls, she was adamant. This time will be different. He is different. 

Brain finally relented. “You want that, huh? Fine, you can try. When you get hurt, do you promise to go back to letting me make the decisions?

This time it won’t hurt. Can’t you see he’s different, Brain? Brain hoped that was true and let her out of the walls to take some control. Heart was making some decisions now. She was deciding when to smile, when to blush, and letting him see us. Brain started to see what Heart saw, and let happiness in. Brain started to plan a future, and Heart got so excited. 

He didn’t show up for our date. “There’s a good reason,” Heart told Brain. “Maybe there’s been an emergency.” But Brain wasn’t so sure. So Brain started to try to take some control back from Heart. Tried to prepare her for the fall that he thought was coming. 

There would be another fight as the two warred for control. 

But the call came. Heart sank into the chest and rebuilt her walls. Brain let the sadness wash over us. He was different, but still, it hurt. 

“Let me be in control for a while?” Brain asked Heart. 

“Sure. Remind me of this when I get too attached again.” Brain understood, and they would fight again.

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